Wow it appears that God has a time for everything. He made me a mom so He even had a time for me to find peace and solitude by giving me the knowledge that kids go to bed in my home by 9pm! However what drew me to these words today was thinking about all that has happened in the last 4 years, 6 months, 2 weeks, 2 days, 4 hours and 5 minutes (Not that I am counting the time) since Ethin has been gone. Time has passed and God had a time for all that I would go through to this point and beyond......
Breaking these words down and looking at them individually I can say I have not always liked God's time or timing, but I have grown in Him for it. Ethin had a time to be born and even though I thought it was far before the time he had a time to die. Understand that I had wanted one more child long before Ethin was born, but God's timing was for after all my kids were potty trained and in school full time. It seemed crazy (Seriously insane!), but the timing was perfect as God answered my prayer and gave me another child. He knew that this child would require all my attention and so it was God's perfect timing to allow me to be there almost everyday of Ethin's life. God knew I would need that. I never have and pry never will understand God's timing for Ethin's life to end on Earth, but I assume it was for His plans and purpose for me to grow in Him and do what He has called me to do.
As far as planting and uprooting I am not much of a gardener, but I have interpreted this in a very different light. God's time for planting in my life started at a young age and thankfully there were people in my life who planted His words in me. My time to uproot I see as the time when I left my abusive childhood home and I was on my own. God's plan for me to plant continued as I continued to plant His word in my life. While I am certain He never intended for me to uproot from Him this also happened. It also clearly happened that I came into a time of planting again as I have never been more planted in God's word than I am now at this point in my life. I am also confident in the fact that God's time for me to uproot is far over and I shall spend the rest of my life planting.
A time to kill and a time to heal......I hope He never has a time in mind for me to kill. I do however see His time to heal. Whether it has been as an EMT and helping heal sick or the healing that has happened in my life in the last four plus years (Did not think I needed to repeat the exact count) God has a time for you to heal. You have a time to heal from every hurt imaginable.
A time to tear down and a time to build......I can and know how to help build a home and Lord knows I can tear something down! Give me a sludge hammer and I will go to town! However in my life the way I feel God speak to me is not physically tearing down and rebuilding. There has been time in my life to build on God's firm foundation and a time for me to tear down the walls of false evidence that satan (I refuse to capitalize the S) has shown me. After Ethin died I fell into his nasty trap of how could a God that claims to love me allow such bad things to happen? Duh!!!???? There was a time to tear that thought down and build on the fact that God did not allow it to happen. The devil is a always trying to build false walls and friends we need to tear those down and build on God's love and firm foundation!
A time to weep and a time to laugh.....This one I have always found more literal. There are times to weep. When Lazarus died it became the shortest verse in the Bible, Jesus Wept. John 11:35 He also wept when He spoke of being disowned. We are created in God's image and so we can weep. However there are times to laugh. I know that when I hear my children laugh uncontrollable with tears in their eyes I feel joy. Our Father loves to hear us laugh until we cry giving that the time to weep and laugh all at the same time! When Ethin died I wept a lot, but now I can look back and yes I still cry, but I can laugh too. In God's perfect timing there is a time for both.
A time to mourn and a time to dance.....Oh how I wish I never felt the first. The truth and reality is this; God knows we will mourn, but we will be comforted (Matthew 5:4). The time of mourning has no limit, but God promises to be our Comforter in this time. When Ethin died I mourned and still have times where I miss him and mourn over him. Also since that time God has shown me to dance. To dance in His light, His Love, and the life He has so graciously blessed me and the J Triplets with. Yes there is a lot of time to dance underneath the Heavens and still miss my son!
A time to scatter stones and time to gather them......Really???? So I have this friend and she only ever gathers the stones from the river and I have been known to sit for hours and gather the "pretty" river bed with her. She never throws them out. I am no Bible scholar and I have never studied theology so again this is only what I feel and what I feel God saying in my heart. Think of stones more like there is a time to scatter yourself among the world and a time to gather yourself in to regroup. I work all day and that "scatters" me, but when I get home I relax and "gather" myself back in. Every day I feel scattered, but I talk to God and I feel gathered back up. Losing Ethin scattered every fiber of my being, however when I learned to go to God for comfort He began to gather me back into a whole person.
A time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing......In a literal sense I am certain we are to hug and have physical contact, but if someone is tied to a bomb that could go off if they let go of the button to hug you back I am certain you should not hug that person. Unless of course you are certain it is your time to die. There are however things on Earth we should embrace: God, love, family, friends, His word and so on. There are also things we should refrain from embracing see the commandments as those are rules for both. We should refrain from embracing the things of this Earth that will loosen our embrace on God. While grief has a time to embrace it, trust me it has a time to let go of it too. If you embrace it for to long you will end up where I was.....(See my background at the top of this page).
A time to search and a time to give up......I once lost my keys and I began to frantically search for them and I became overwhelmed with losing them. I called a friend as I had hit the point of giving up the search when she said, "Let's stop looking right now and just pray!" As it turns out we prayed and within seconds I remembered where I had left/lost them. Yes there was a time search and a time to give up. Here is the thing you can search on your own all you want looking for answers and reasoning, but it is when you truly give up and give it to God you will find the answer. I searched for a reason that my son died; why my children and I lost a vital part of our family, but the reality is the only answer for this was to give up trying to figure out the why and just go on with God to lead the way and open our lives to what would unfold. Search away, but when you give up you have to give it to God!
A time to keep and a time to throw away....... I do not recommend keeping moldy bread or spoiled milk unless it is your child's science project. I would say after the science fair that you can throw it away though! Seriously though there is a time for both. I think at times we keep things as reminders so that we can feel closer to what we have lost, but as time goes you can get rid of things. When Ethin passed away at first I kept everything. As I started to loosen my grip I was able to see the J Triplets hurting and before I knew it I gave them each a blanket that had been Ethin's and they found comfort in that. What I was keeping from them was what they needed most; a piece of their brother too. Just the other day Tater Tot came from her room with a pair of Ethin's socks that she had stashed in her drawer. She held them out and said, "Mom I don't need these anymore." I had no idea she even had them and now they sit on my window sill. I still need to learn what to throw away.
A time to tear and a time to mend......Sometimes we have to be torn apart to be mended back together. It will likely hurt, but if we are being torn by satan I promise God will mend you! The devil had a way of tearing into my life using my son's death as a way to ploy me from God's heart and love. When I tore myself from that way of thinking God truly mended, still mends, and will forever mend my heart and life!
A time to be silent and a time to speak.......We all know when we should open our mouths and when we should keep it shut. Sometimes it is better to speak little and say a lot than it is to speak a lot and say little! When in doubt though let this be your prayer!
A time for war and a time for peace.......Friends living on this very broken and imperfect Earth is the time for war. There is a spiritual war for all of us. The devil is tricky and cunning. He will use everything to get you away from God. Away from the knowledge that Jesus Christ died for us. Away from the love of our Father. The devil will use the worst things to turn you away even the death of my child was used. Friends there is a time for peace and that is when the rapture takes place or you go to Heaven before that. You can also find peace in your Heavenly Father through Jesus Christ with His Holy Spirit inside of you to fight the war. I lost Ethin and there was a time period of war for my soul. God won the war for my soul and I have internal peace even though part of me is in Heaven!
With Writers Cramp & God's Peace,
Jessica
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