Background

My life changed in 2008 and even more so in 2009.......I was the mother of three beautiful children when in 2008 I found out that I was pregnant for what would be my fourth child.  I later found out that I would be having my second son in January and that he would be born with half a heart.  January 9, 2009 my life forever changed when I gave birth to Ethin.  He endured many medical procedures including three open heart surgeries.  On June 27, 2009 just before 9am my son was picked up in the arms of our Heavenly Father and was gone to me in this life.
The J Triplets as I call them (My oldest children Jessa, Jonathin, and Jayde) and I were devastated.  I could not believe I was 26 and would forever be the mother of a child who had died.  In a world that kept going all I wanted was for the world to stop for a minute.  My world had stopped dead in it's tracks.  There I was walking along in life and for almost 6 months running as hard as I could on the CHD (Congenital Heart Defect) road when I suddenly ran into a brick wall and my son was gone.
When it first happened I was in complete shock.  The first weeks that followed are such a blur.  However when the storm had settled and the damage set in I was angry, sad, devastated, and a plethra of other feelings that consumed me.  Most of all I was overcome by grief!  In my grief I was angry with the world, the doctors, and yes even God.  In my anger I became deeply despaired and depressed.  In the depression I found what I thought would be the great escape from the agonizing pain I was feeling.
In the last day of September I attempted suicide.  I was taken to a hospital and was put on a ventilator for 3 days where I had a life changing experience with God.  I woke up in the hospital and from that day on while I have had good days, bad days, and in between days I have looked to God almost all of those days.  God did not take Ethin from me, but He has used it for His own good.  So here I am almost five years finally doing what God has called me to do.  What all this journey will entail is unbeknownst to me, but I am willing to continue to pray everyday and let Him guide me through it!

Blessings,
Jessica

No comments:

Post a Comment