Counting it Joy

So the other day I was driving into work like I do 10 days a week, (Yes I know there are only 7 days) and I was going in extra early to help out third shift (I work 1st).  On the drive I suddenly started to feel led to begin really speaking about some Bible verses in James.  

James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 

Well in the last 5 plus years of my life I have come to know when I can hear God telling me to do something. I am certain He somehow wants me to share out loud, but since this is my only avenue I am going to share here.

Count it pure joy really???  I am thinking that at first glance this has got to be a joke or something.  There is no way I can count some of the things that have happened as pure joy!  Specifically there is no way I can ever count it pure joy that I am 30 and living with one of my children in Heaven.  There is no way God is talking to me with these verses.  Kinda like, "Hello God you have the wrong person here!"  The truth is He does not have the wrong person here at all.

Ethin left this world in 2009, but when that happened he became whole and healthy and that is something to be joyful about.  And if we really read the rest of these verses all that is said in them is also true.  Having and losing Ethin tested every fiber of my faith!  It tested every bit of my relationship God and it made me question whether or not Jesus ever really came and died for me or anyone else.  I questioned my whole life and my entire belief system.

Thankfully when we question God's existence or His authority He will show you truth.  Once I was shown His truth I came back into my faith very slowly and warily as I was skeptical.  However I came to understand that I was angry at God when I needed to be angry with satan.  As my anger shifted and eventually subsided I began to live again.  Very slowly, but it happened.  

Then I began to be fully alive in Him and living in this world with a truth to share.  This is where the testing of my faith produced perseverance.  It did not happen over night and I believe it will always be happening in a small way.  However perseverance did take almost 5 years for me to be writing this message to you telling you that my faith is matured and it is not lacking.  

God used so many trials that satan put in my life to bring me to Him.  He loves us so much that He uses everything!  He then uses us to help others too.  I am not saying I am perfect or mature, (Many would argue I am not mature) but I am saying my faith is mature and unwavering and that is an area that we all should want to persevere to.  My faith stands strong in a God that I know loves me and wants me.  He has plans for me and needed me to mature in Him and keep my faith in Him to get to where I am going; to follow His will for my life!  

Oh friends I know that there are trials that we face that it is so hard to not be angry with God, blame Him, or even just throw our hands up.....But count it Joy find the joy in the trials you are facing.  I am telling you that if it is a trial God is standing there ready to walk through it with you and carry you if need be.  Find the joy in all things!  Even if it is years later there is joy in it all.

With a Joyful Heart,

Jessica

Dear God It's Me Again.....Week 6 2014

Dear God, It's me again........It's OK He loves that it is you AGAIN!

Did you pray today? I ask my kids this question daily. Seems simple enough and seems none would forget. My children like myself and many others forget to pray. However there comes a point for me that it is beyond prayer and became me talking to my Father. My oldest daughter has hit this point. She also has hit the point where her life becomes busy and she forgets to pray to Him.

Prayer is our way to communicate with God. It is right to give Him thanks and praise; when we pray are we praying this way? Are we thanking Him for the blessings we have or are we to busy asking Him for what we do not? When we pray are we asking His will or simply telling Him our will? Praying is far more than just asking for the things and outcomes we want.

Keeping a prayer list is always handy. This helps you to take the focus of yourself and onto others when praying. Start your list with the simple stuff. I always try to remember when I am praying to ask for God's will not my own. That whatever the answer I will glorify Him. Always thank Him for the day you had.

My challenge to you this week is to start a paryer list. As you add to your prayer list as prayers are answered put a date by them so you can also see God's mercy and grace through your prayers! God is good all the time and all the time God is good!

With a Praying Heart,

Jessica

Here is Why

I can hardly believe that a month of me blogging and sharing this journey is almost done.  Recently I have had a few people ask why I am doing this or what has inspired me to share again what this journey has been like for me.  So I thought I would share a little bit more of the journey I have been on and why I am looking back and sharing as I move forward.

First of all I am doing this for the simple fact that I know God is asking me to do so.  Not only do I know this is His desire for me, but it is His desire for others to grow in Him through the words He places in my heart to share.  The other reason for doing this is for others to see God's unconditional love, mercy, and grace.  If I went through all of what I have and continue to feel the tremors of the earthquake satan put in my life, but can still walk firmly in Jesus than maybe that will give just one other person hope.  Maybe I was feeling the need to do this because God has plans to use it to help another grieving parent to rely on Him fully.  There is a lot of maybe's, but ultimately I felt in my heart God pulling and talking to me and so here I am almost five years from the earthquake standing firm and strong.

The inspiration I am not sure is all that inspirational.  Clearly I have the scarlet letter of losing a child and knowing the rest of my Earthly life will always have an ache for Ethin.  However there is inspiration beyond that.  I lost my son and lost myself including my relationships with so many people and most importantly Jesus.  Yet here I am years later........You see it is possible to be so hurt that it seems you may never step out from the darkness and then one day you realize you are living in His light again.  My Father and Creator is my inspiration and the hope that my words will help others.

The looking back part of doing this again has been the hardest.  It has at times even been painful.  Today after work I was talking with some office ladies and I teared up just a little when I talked a little bit about finding out Ethin was going to be born with half a heart.  It was so weird as I am not even sure these poor ladies knew I had another child outside of the J Triplets.  As quick as the hurt was stinging my heart it was gone and we continued to talk.  I suppose I have a bit of explaining to do so they understand.......The hardest part is the understanding for me and for me to relay to others.

So the other day I was looking back at some original things I had wrote after Ethin had been gone for a few months and I was in so much pain.  When I look back I so badly want to reach my hand out to the mother who wrote those words and embrace her (myself) and tell her that it is going to be so different, but she will survive.  I survived!  My hope is in Him and through Him I have survived.  So many people thought I was not going to make it this far, but not only did I make it, but I am living a good and meaningful life.

If someone would have told me five years ago that I would have a good life I would have told them that they were crazy.  I would have cried and been so angry that they did not understand.  In the time since Ethin was born and died I have grown.  I have overcome obstacles and I have faced trials, but I am standing on this side of the fence telling you that God carried me the whole way.  So when you think to ask me why I am doing this why I am sharing the feelings and the life I am living it is to not only remember Ethin and know others think of him still too, but it is to bring people closer to the man that saved me; Jesus.

Standing Beyond the Earthquake,
Jessica